What You Dont See

2011-02-14T18:15:00.000-08:00

OMG. i felt it today. I knew something was happening between them but i didn't think it would be anything more. I know how he felt now. and this feeling is such a bitch. I cant stop myself from feeling sad and crying. and i know we still have feelings for each other and i know i pushed him away but what the fuck was i supposed to do? i can't act like everythings okay even though im good at that im good at acting like im fine when in reality everything sucks and i think that me being able to hide my feelings really pushed him away because he thought that i was going to get over him,
SHES UGLY. shes an ugly slut who has an annoying voice and likes justin bieber. idk when we were friends we used to compare ourselves to each other. idk .maybe we do have similarites and shes ugly and everyone says so. god maybe i shouldnt hate her but shes such a bitch. AN UGLY ONE TOO. i can't even explain my anger and sadness it's not going to last. this is such a fucking joke. and they're a secret too. alteast i had the fucking respect for him to tell him that i was going out with michael. that shit is just grooss. speaking of michael we kept making eye contact and he's on my sisters dick thats gross and she's complaining about kylie being on noahs dick when shes being such a hypocrite haha whatevr its not like i like michael but idk anyways. homework sucks and people annoy me. darbies acting weird and everythings just less worth getting up in the morning for. i smoke more ciggarettes and burn myself. it feels nice.

I can plaster a smile on my face all day but when it comes down to it, and I've got nothing but my thoughts

2011-02-12T00:23:00.000-08:00

worrying is a waste of time. it doesn't change anything. it just messes with your mind and steals your happiness.

Hate all you want, you can't break the girl who thinks nothing of you

the biggest mistake you can make is to drift apart from someone who you once had the time of you life with

fuck what they say. you're worth it to me

you can erase someone from your mind. getting them out of your heart is another story.

Right now, I'm young and I'm just trying to figure out what I want.

sometimes i sit and wonder what the fuck i'm doing wrong.

I will forgive, but I won't forget.. I hope you know you've lost my respect

With you, I didn’t have to think twice or question myself. I kind of already knew what I wanted.

I can't do this. I can't not talk to you. I can't pass you in the hall, & pretend I don’t care.

I said a lot of really crappy things the other night and I’m sorry about that. I haven’t been a very good friend to you and I’m sorry, ok. The truth is that I’m afraid to be your friend because I’m always gonna want more. But then I got to thinking that I’d rather have you in my life as a friend than not at all.

there comes a point where it's not that you don't care anymore, you just can't.
You can deny it all you want, but if it still hurts, you still care.
I smile and act like nothing is wrong, it's called: putting shit aside and being strong
He can make me a kind of happy that no one else can.

2011-02-06T22:28:00.000-08:00

You and I will always be unfinished business
I didn’t know you could be excited and scared and happy and sad all at the same time.

" i want to fall asleep to the sound of your voice" OMGGGG why cant this be you? why cant i be on the phone wit you and not him.

Looking at you makes it harder

but i know that you'll find another

that doesn't always make you wanna cry

It's like my whole life is nothing but a blur. one day i could be completely happy then something comes along and the next everything is so fucked up and i can't do anything to change that. it's terrible. and all i want to do is come home and cry. but the thing is, is that i've spent my whole life making myself strong that i'm not ready to break down. i.can't.cry. i don't know how. no matter how sad or messed up i feel it just doesn't come out.what's wrong with me? And i see you with her and it's like you're finally going to be happy again. and i feel as if i came back into your life i'd screw everything up for you. all i want is for you to be happy even if it means that i'm not in your life. i know its stupid and you think i'm a bitch for this but what else can i do. i'm trying to cope with this the best i know how and that it shutting people out its what i do i push people away. and its bad but thats the way i deal with things. and if your going to hold that against me then by all means you have every right to be mad at me. but understand that if i started talking to you again it would have made it harder for me to just not go back to getting back together with you. i broke us up because i wanted to give us time and space from each other. i didn't want to break up for good nor did i want us to become un friends i needed to do this because everything happened to fast that i realized that i hadn't fully forgiven you and i didn't want to screw things up with us for the last time . and it ended up being that thats exactly what i did. i'm so sorry. but know that not for one second did i ever stop loving you. regardless your friends with her again and thats bullshit. how do you think it makes me feel you asshole. it's like after everything we have ever been through was because of her and then we break up and now you friends with her then want to be friends with me again? like what the fuck is wrong with you? idk this is the longest rant i have ever written. and i guess i want to move on because your doing just fine and i guess i want to do the same. or maybe i wanna wait for you. idk. but i really hope your happy right now.

2011-02-04T17:49:00.000-08:00

Never take it seriously, you never get hurt. Never get hurt, you can always have fun. And if you ever get lonely, you just go to the record store and visit all your friends.”

I hate this. I hate bottling up how i feel all the time I hate acting happy, i hate being sad and coming to school just watching you be happy without me. Every thing’s been such a blur, i cant remember my days. and i dont know who i feel half the time, I guess im just numb to everything. I cant focus i cant even think i just blank out. what’s wrong with me? im going though my mind too many things to process at the same time.i hate you i hate you so much that i love you. THERE WE GO the truth. maybe we wont make it through this one this time.

How long can we keep this up how long are we willing to act like we're both done with each other? thats never going to work! and you know it. your ever gunna find the same relationship like this one and it will kill you. its not the end but i'll let you think that for now. i'll let you hook up with whoever you need to. and fuck you for that. fuck your feelings. but what ever i'll just do the same thing. maybe in that process we will soon forget each other. but hey, who knows. i just hate that after everything after all of this your friends with her again. seriously? its like everything we went through was for nothing. what if you werent happy you shoulda just said something and left. you shoulda just got with her. what i wasnt fucking good enough or what? was i boring? was i not pretty? why were you even fucking with me in the first place? i mean clearly you kept going back to her. so i mean she was obviously great. god, i dont know why you did this to me. FUCKYOUU

And this will be the first time in a week

That I'll talk to you

And I can't speak

And I got the point that I should leave you alone
But we both know I'm not that strong

And I miss the lips that made me fly

2011-02-04T17:29:00.000-08:00

2011-02-04T17:28:00.001-08:00

why cheat? if your not happy just leave!

One Week Ago.

everything was finally perfect again. I was with you and the world was great again. I admit it took me a while to regain your trust but never did i regret being back together with you...I admit i questioned why i was with you if i was simply in it because i wanted what we had before. and you know i did believe that.......

i cant remember our conversation. But i know i went over it a million times that night. Crying myself to sleep was never the best way to go. Why do i do this to myself. I push everyone away. I pushed you away and i don’t know why.

-yadi, i love you.

.i.,,i dont know okay? this is really hard. and im trying. im trying really hard for us but im not sure if its because of how i felt before or because i still have feelings for you.
can we please just make this work..PLEASE?
(:

ineed you to stop blaming yourself. accept it. get over it
oh yeah thats easy for you to say nothing is your fault. and i still dont know why i did it.
..you know for two weeks i spent crying over you i blamed myself, i blamed myself for not being good enough for you. not being good enough for our relationship to work out. and im just done.
you were good enough! too good enough!

FUCK EVERYTHING.

2011-01-26T22:14:00.000-08:00

Im living in this fucking hell whole i created for myself.
Cant find a way out,

if only i was smarter than this,
if only i was pretty enough for you
my past haunts me sometimes.
it comes back when im happy and reminds me of my mistakes, thats when it hits me,
i shut down
i become this diferent person
angry
sad
silent
confused,
if only i was good enough,

2011-01-18T18:35:00.000-08:00

I’m falling in love but its falling apart i need to find my way back to the start, when were in love oh things were better than they are let me back into your arms.

There's just something about you that I'm scared to lose because I know I won't find it in anyone else.

I still think about you every second of every day, even though im with with. give me a sign, anything, that you still feel the same way and i’ll leave him in a heartbeat. please.

Am I ugly? When I was a kid, I thought I was. I can’t believe I’m crying already. Sometimes I think people don’t understand how lonely it is to be a kid, like you don’t matter.

im so fucked up in the head right now. im so lost and confused. i need, i just need you to understand that it’s so hard to let you go, and so hard to trust you. YOU MAKE ME SO CRAZY!

I realized your laugh is the best sound to me and I miss it.

2010-12-28T22:38:00.001-08:00

I tell you we can just be friends; truth is I can't stand it. I love you more than life. And I want you to be mine again...

I sometimes pretend to be happy. Talking a lot and laughing out loud so that nobody would know what's really inside. But at the end of the day, I always find myself alone, encountering the crucial truth that I'm too broken inside. That not even a million laughters can take that away.

Would have came back for you I just needed time to do what I had to do Caught in the life I cant let it go Whether thats right I will never know

expect the best, be prepared for the worst, fuck what others think&do your own thing
The slower we move, the faster we die. make no mistake, moving is living
I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH TO FUCKING WALK AWAY.

2010-12-25T20:04:00.000-08:00

You didnt love her. you just didnt want to be alone. Or maybe she made you feel better about your ego. or, or maybe she made you feel better about you miserable life, but you didnt love . because you dont destroy people you love.

WHY DO PEOPLE THINK ITS OKAY 4 THEM TO DO HORRIBLE THINGS TO YOU AS LONG AS THEY APOLOGIZE AFTER WORDS?

KARMA IS SOMETHING SOMEONE MADE UP TO MAKE THEMSELVES FEEL BETTER. TO BELIEVE THAT BECAUSE SOMEONE WRONGED YOU THE UNIVERSE WILL TURN AGAINST THEM.

It takes TWO seconds to TELL the truth..and it costs nothing. A LIE takes time. and it costs EVERYTHING.
yeah, you’re sorry. im sorry, everybodys sorry. but..i cant do this anymore. i cant and i wont.
Im really scared to die. but when I do. I dont want to leave things unsaid.
CRYING IS OK. its okay to be not ok. its perfect to be not perfect

he asked me when i would say i loved him. i told him that i didnt know. what he really meant was do you love me. what i should have said was i never stopped loving you

I lie awake at night and converse with the darkness. And we discuss many things. the blackness and I. we had an interesting conversation.

I pity anyone who tries to undersatnd my thoughts
Don't be mad at me because I can't trust you, be mad at yourself because you've lost my trust in the first place.

I drove for miles just to find you and find myself all these screams all these voices in my head you gave me strength gave me hope for a lifetime I never was satisfied .

2010-12-25T19:28:00.000-08:00

I know im not completely over him he still crosses my mind several times a day, but with each one of those times, a feeling of contemt also passes through my heart, maybe enough that m heart will become completely hardened to him and i'll get to the point where he doesnt affect me anymore..

Who knows where life will take you, the road is long and in the end the journey is the destination.

Realize now that when your heart breaks, you got to fight like hell to make sure your still alive. Because you are. And that pain you feel? That's life. The confusion and fear? That's there to remind you, that somewhere out there is something better, and that something is worth fighting for.

And once you lose yourself, you have two choices: find the person you used to be... or lose that person completely...

Girls just want someone who wants them back

THEY always said you’d HURT me anyway..

John Steinbeck once wrote, 'Change comes like a little wind that ruffles the curtains at dawn, and it comes like a stealthy perfume of wildflowers hidden in the grass.'

2010-12-25T19:00:00.000-08:00

I’ve been thinking about you so much lately that it needed to satisfy my own desperation to at least catch a glimpse of you… even if it meant that I’m delusional. I still can’t believe I fell for a jerk like you, and yet still think of you too much for my own good.

People are going to disappoint you, I get that, I kind of expect that but, what happens if one day you wake-up and realize you are the disappointment.

Sometime when you care about someone alot you just know you will make some kind of mistake and you end up losing the person you care the most about but if your lucky you might get a second chance

Is it me? Am I the reason people always leave? Am I the reason all these things keep happening to me? Maybe I'm just destined to be alone.
I want to believe in it all again..music and art...fate and love, and I want to believe that I've made the right choices, and I'm still on the right path, and there's still time to fix some mistakes I've made....I guess I want hope
Regret comes in all shapes and sizes. Some are small like when we do a bad thing for a good reason. Some are bigger like when you let down a friend. Some of us escape the pain of regret by making the right choice. Some of us have little time for regret because we're looking forward to the future. Sometimes we have to fight to come to terms with the past, and sometimes we bury our regret by promising to change your own ways.
But, our biggest regrets are not for the things we did -- but, for the things we didn't do. Things we didn't say that could've save someone that we care about. Especially when we can see the dark storm that's headed their way
It's always gonna be there, isn't it? You and me.

If you could go back and change just one thing about your life, would you? and if you did, would that change make your life better? Or would that change ultimately break your heart? or break the heart of another? would you choose an entirely different path? or would you change just one thing? just one moment. one moment that you always wanted back..

Ralph Waldo Emerson: 'There is no privacy that cannot be penetrated. No secret can be kept in the civilized world. Society is a masked ball where everyone hides his real character and reveals it by hiding.'
Stephen King once wrote: "Time takes it all, whether you want it to or not. Time takes it all, time bears it away, and in the end there is only darkness. Sometimes we find others in that darkness, and sometimes we lose them there again."
Just think. You could be a big part of someone else’s life and not know it.

You've ever wonder how long it takes to change your life?
what measure of time is enough to be life altering? is it four
years like high school, one year, an eight year rock tour, can
your life change in a month, a week, or a single day? we are
always in a hurry to grow, to go places, to get ahead but
when you ' re young, one hour can change everything

Ida Scott Taylor once wrote: Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.

2010-12-25T01:18:00.000-08:00

It's weird. i have all these guys chasing after me now that we're over. its crazy, and yet. as much as i hate you. as much as you hurt me. its still hard for me to let go. To forget about absolutely everything. I want to be furious with you. i want to make you feel so bad. and as for her i want to make her cry. i wanna make her feel so bad about herself that all she can do it fucking cry. i fucking hate her. i fucking hate you.
i should have seen it coming. i knew something was going to happen. best friends my ass. i dont feel bad for wanted to like someone else now.

i believe in second chances, i just don't think everyone deserves them.

I'm falling more in love.

With every single word I withhold.

I'm falling more in love.

With every single word you say.

I'm falling head-over-heels for you.
<3 best movie ever. i wish i had a childhood like that.

<3 i will marry this kid if he were still alive. haha (;

so how do you trust somebody with a history of those player ways, when you don't know to believe everything they say?

2010-12-22T18:34:00.000-08:00

Part of me just wants to find the right words to hurt you. The same way you hurt me.

Am I mad at you? That's your main concern after shattering my whole world? Mad for what? Breaking my heart? Or for all the lies? Maybe for letting me put all my trust in you only to be betrayed? How about the fact you didn't even have the decency to tell me to my face?

You broke my heart, and you acted like it was somehow my fault. My misunderstanding. I was too in love with you to ever be mad at you. So I just punished myself.

I like him, but I loved you. I was so in love with you

2010-12-20T17:48:00.000-08:00

i have this feeling deep inside of me that some way, some how, we're going to end up together.

im wasting my youth on silly things.

You can’t waste time over missing something in the past. Life changes, people grow up and grow apart, and you accept that. Yet you still can’t stop thinking of how good it used to be; afraid you’d never experience it again, afraid you’ve already lived it and already lost it.

You see, sorrow gets too heavy and joy, it tends to hold you with the fear that it eventually dparts. And the truth is I've been dreaming of some tired tranquil place where the weather won't get trapped inside my bones.

Even though 'I've stopped liking you', everytime someone mentions your name, my head turns right towards them. It's like everytime I hear it, I think of all that we could have had and all that could have happened that didn't.
I know that we won't ever really be close again, and that hurts more than you know. But all I can really ask for right now, is for you to be a decent person. Maybe even a decent friend. Because I need something, anything. I just need some ounce of hope that things will look up again for us, that we haven't lost anything. Because right now all I have are memories, which hurt to remember, knowing I won't ever have them back. I wonder if you know how much this hurts for me, to go each day without you, to see you not care. And there are days, just moments, when I think that maybe this day will be different, and maybe things are turning around, but those are just moments that fade away quickly. And I know that in the long run, I know that you'll never be here. You will never be here for me again. And that hurts, because no matter what, I have, and will always be there for you.

the stupidest mistake in life is thinking that
the one who hurt you the most,
won't hurt you again.

I moved on, yes, but that doesn't mean that I've forgotten. And that doesn't mean that I won't be here anymore if you ever want to come back.

"Flirting is a habit for those who are single. It's their way of saying I'm free. But for those who are committed, it's their way of saying I'm bored."
- so you were bored?

2010-12-20T17:41:00.000-08:00

I remember everything you ever told me. like a blurry haze in my memory. i bet you dont remember a thing at all.

i often find myself day dreaming, wondering about what you're doing, what you're thinking. if i've crossed your mind at all. just hoping that you think about everything i do when i think of you. you're fresh kisses still lye on my lips. i'd like to know. before my imagination explodes. please?

The way you look at me still lingers in my body the tingles are still felt in my toes. the butterflys still flutter in my stomatch. the touch of you skin is still felt on my body. the poisen still runs

I can say i hold myself together pretty well. i smile when i need to, im brave when i need to be. and i can hold the world up on my shoulders. with no problem. in front of you, im fearless. untouchable yet everything i do is just a pretty face. all an act. the beginning of you favorite act. get comfortable i can do this for hours.

This living in fear is beginning to wear me down. the hatred that flows through every movement in this house. the knowing that i could neer be good enough. pretty enough. the shadows i step in to hide. and run in sadness. its all my fault.

2010-12-20T17:29:00.000-08:00

I was up all night thinking about you. Thinking about how i would act once i saw you, still remembering the things we said during our last talk. Truth is, im still in love with you. Ive finaly come to terms with that. I have been sitting here for 5 days not allowing myself to feel anything. pretending to be happy in front of everyone because i dont want to seem weak. ihate this. i hate what you've done to me. i hate the way everything turned out.

But they all didnt see the little bit of sadness in me. I've got some issues that nobody can see. All of these emotions are pouring outta me and i bring them to light for you. its only right.

At this point i erally wish i had a girl best friend. one i could trust my life with and tell everything to. one i could talk to all the time and know shes always be there for me...i wish impossible things.

IM SO ANGRY I REALLY WANT TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE RIGHT NOW. BUT I CANT DECIDE WHICH OF YOU TWO FACES I WANT TO PUNCH FIRST.

When you wake up in the middle of the night and everything is pitch black & silent thats when time matters the most, you wake up feeling lost in another world and when you're really in the same one you've always been in its time to wake up now.

If i move into a brighter light maybe you'll stare a little longer. that quick glance with become a double take and soon your eyes will always focus right. on me. you'll forget what you were doing and you'll never be able to tear you eyes away.

If you talk to quiet they wont be able to hear you. if you speak to loud they'll drown you out. if you speak just right they'll listen to your every word. you never listen do you?

I DO EVERYTHING I CAN BUT ITS NEVER ENOUGH!

Theres these times where i just need you to find my way back. those bad days where all i need is your voice to get me through the day. your face to guide my dreams to sleep. and you touch to help me wake. to bring me alive. sometimes all i need is you.

2010-12-19T16:24:00.001-08:00

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2010-12-19T15:59:00.000-08:00

i hate this feeling of not having confidence in anything i do.

i love it when he bites my lip

Trust me, I know how it feels. I know exactly how it feels to cry in the shower so no one can hear you. I know what it's like to wait for everyone to be asleep so you can just fall apart, for everything to hurt so bad you're ready to let it all end. Trust me. I know exactly how it feels.

im not always as confident as i look.

In Case You Havnt Noticed
she's all over you!
i find it disgusting
I'm curious. Do you really like her or do you like the attention you're getting from her?
.

2010-12-19T15:56:00.000-08:00

c : hey baby, u up?
me: hello. yee its friday of coursee im upp loll waddup
c: lol i just wanna make sure of something...you know i love you a lot right? and that i would never cheat on you or leave you for another girl right?
me: what did you do?! you wouldnt have brought this up for no reason...
c: no i didnt do anything! ive just been getting asked lately if we were together cuz i guess i hang wit too many other girls and i dont show it enough with you. i just want you to be confident in us.
me: okay, but i dont want you to be with me just to prove we're together. i want you to be with me because you want to be...you hang out with a lot of girls?
c: i dont wanna be with you to prove anything. i love being with you more than anything. i just hear these things and get scared that im not giving you what you deserve...and the girls thing, i dont think so but ppl keep like warning me and i just really dont want you to feel that way.
me: to tell you the truth i didnt really think any of this untill you told me...but thanks for caring thats really sweet. but it really takes a lot more than a rumor to make me doubt us these days. i love you
c: ILOVEYOU TOO!
that made me really happy.

2010-12-19T15:40:00.000-08:00

See I'm trying to find my place

But it might not be here where I feel safe

We all learn to make mistakes

and run from them with no direction

I know you feel it to. when we hug when you stare. when you smile insanely for no reason when you see me. I know you feel something more.

Iknow you dont want to admit this to me yet becuse of everything else that will collapse if you did. but i want to let you know. that i feel that to. just not as strong as youd like me to. and that i dont want to lose you as a friend either. and i need to you know that.

Your jelous cause i look happier with other guys?

is that so?

your such a hypocrite sometimes.

You've talked to her way more than you have ever talked to me.

we can barely keep a conversation sometimes.

you tell her more things you have EVER told me.

we never talk about things that matter.

when we break up yo never chase after me, you go straight to her.

why do i keep coming back to you?

why do i make the effort to give you more chances.

So you guys dont talk to me.

We occasionaly talk but you think your too cool now.

which is such a fucking joke you just come off as a bitch.

you talk shit to my bf then say you fucking miss me.

HELL NO

your a fake ass bitch dont talk to me

you think i stay moping around cause i lost you as a best friend?

i miss the way things have been occasionaly but you make that mood go away all on your own.

If you keep this up there's bound to be a mess cuz I ain't really like duress

Put to the test I could surely pass

You better do the math

I'm so stylish

So bossy

It'd be ashamed to say you lost me

But if you want that

It's a wrap

And I won't look back

I hate the fact that she probably knows more about him than I do.its weird. WHY AM U STILL NOT USE TO TALKING TO HIM LIKE ANY NORMAL PERSON?!?!i hate it so much. sometimes we can barely even keep a conversation.i wonder why he came back. when he had to choice between the both of us, i wonder if he came back cause he felt bad or because he knew no one liked her. "no ones gunna want a gf with no friends." i have all these thoughts in my mind. i never really know how to approach them. i mean i keep everything bottled up inside anyways. i feel like the more i want to trust him and tell him the more i'll lose him. like he'll be dissapointed when he actually realizes who i am. thats the thing. he doesnt really know who i am. but he does. i cant even keep a straight thought. i do love him though. i know that. i know that i like the way he makes me feel. and the way he kisses me. the way he smiles at me with those soft eyes of his. i like that. i like the feeling of being in his arms all day. i never really want to let go. i like his laugh and his optimism. i want to let him in. i want him to let me in. what do i do.

im really young.

im 15. i want to have fun with you lots of fun i want to fall in love a lot.

i dont want to settle down.

i love you. and you said it yourself

be one of those couples that break up and always get back together in the end. cause we're meant to be.

but, i want to see what else is out there.

i want to kiss other boys.

i want you to kiss other girls

and at the end of the day still know that we have feelings for one another.

i want you to really know that you love me.

and i want to talk to someone without them saying wheres your boyfriend.

i know, its selfish.

but i want all this before its time to actually settle down.

dont mak someone a priority if they make you an option

i love boys who smell good

You live up in your head

Scared of every little noise

Someone's always breaking in accidentally

Using nothing but their voice
Shrill and small
Echo down the hall
Repeating pet names
Seeing it in your eyes
You're only passing by
Go by
- elliott smith

First it comes on quiet, creeping slow. Clever words
and phrases only stain. I remain so lost and buried
under everything I need, when all I want is you.

2010-12-19T14:59:00.001-08:00

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2010-12-19T14:51:00.001-08:00

DUMB ASSS WHORE

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2010-12-19T14:19:00.000-08:00

Numbing the pain for a while will make it worst when you finally feel it...

im numbing my pain, i dont want to feel the sadness yet, im not ready yet. i want to stay as pissed as i can its not worth everything yet.

You KNOW FOR A GUY YOU ACT LIKE A LITTLE BITCH

After i found out, i seriously wanted to die. these are the hardest days trying to get over you. i cry myself to sleep every night knowing i wont wake up to just knowing that we're not together. knowing i wont be expecting a text from you. knowing that every night shes thinking about you just as much as i am. I HATE YOU. and i dont know what scares me more, the fact that i let someone make me feel like complete shit, or the fact that i loved someone who would make me feel that way.

i could go for a blunt and a fuck right about now

I WISH I CAN MAKE YOU FEEL EXACTLY THE WAY I FEEL..ASSHOLE.

its always a pleasure to see my dad home

i wanna be best friends with him.
not just be in a relationship with him.
you get me?
i want to be like oh yeah, my bestfriends is also my boyfriend
not just simply boyfriend.

I DIDNT GIVE A FUK YESTURDAY, I DONT GIVE A FUCK TODAY, AND I PROBABLY WONT GIVE A FUCK TOMORROW.

oh well :/

i hate when people say,

i hate when people say

"oh my plans got cancelled lets hang out"

excuse me, i dont want to hang out only because ur plans didnt work out.

second well fuck you.

3rd go hang out with someone else

i wouldnt mind hanging out if ou left out the part where you said your plans got cancelled

RI dont like him.

R, i dont like him.

R, I dont like him

i think i just like the fact that he pays attention to me.

and the fact that hes attractive.

he majes me happy.

but hes not all as much as i thought he was.

hes sensitive i like that.

i nkow him really well. but id rather not lose what i have than gain something less.

i like where im at in my relationship.

I really wish i had just one best friend,

does matter if shes a boy or girl.

one i could be completely comfortable with.

who wont ever judge me

who tells me the truth

whp is insanely weird like me.

who can live at my house

someone i can tell everything to. and not be worried about what they say.

i just want someone to talk to. and that can make me laugh,

i just...want..someone.

When I woke up this morning, I couldn’t get out of bed.I was laying there, and I thought to myself how comfortable it was. It was silent, no one was around, and I felt so good laying under the blankets that were wrapped around me. At that moment, I realized I could lay in bed for all hours of the day, not talking to one person, living in my thoughts, and not doing anything with myself, and it wouldn’t bother me. All I would need is a paper and a pen. I wouldn’t go insane like most people would. I wouldn’t feel content, but I wouldn’t feel sad either, I would feel comfort and calm. I find that to be absolutely saddening.

i like him. i like him quite a bit. we've talked about why it never happened with us, i told him it was too late. and that i waited for him in the beginning. we're hanging out tomorrow.

he told me that he thought he never had a chance with me.

the truth is he always did.

its too late for that now though.,

all i want is to be friends.

and maybee just maybee in the near future something can happen. but as for right now.

i like where i am.

i like this feeling of happyness with the one im with.

i like this feeling of looking forward to seeing someone everyday.

and as for him, hes always wating,

You will probably forget half the things I will always remember.

Your lucky enough i Forgave you. dont take advantage of that,

2010-11-04T22:18:00.001-07:00

"Sometimes you have to test someone. Not cause you don’t trust them, but to see how much they’ll sacrifice for you. And sometimes you have to let them go; not cause you suddenly stopped loving them, but to see if they love you enough to come back."

"It was just one of those things," I said, "You know, that just happen. You don't think or plan. You just do it.

What is family? They were the people who claimed you. In good, in bad, in parts or in whole, they were the ones who showed up, who stayed in there, regardless. It wasn't just about blood relations or shared chromosomes, but something wider, bigger. We had many families over time. Our family of origin, the family we created, and the groups you moved through while all of this was happening: friends, lovers, sometimes even . None of them perfect, and we couldn't expect them to be. You can't make any one person your world. The trick was to take what each could give you and build your world from it.

It's just that...I just think that some things are meant to be broken. Imperfect. Chaotic. It's the universe's way of providing contrast, you know? There have to be a few holes in the road. It's how life is

Sometimes it seems safer to hold it all in, where the only person who can judge is yourself

There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment.

Forever has no meaning when you're living in the moment. I wasn't ready for that moment to end.

2010-10-26T23:34:00.000-07:00

Happiness, you see, is just an illusion of Fate,

a heavenly slight of hand designed to make you believe in fairy tales.

But there's no happily ever after.

You'll only find happy endings in books. Some books.

But I liked him. I liked his optimism, his easy way with words.

Most of all, I liked how he made me feel

that I - mattered.

It feels like just a minute ago that we got together. its been 6 months.6 months of dissapointment. and love. im amazed by how much we've been though, i really am. ive never really cared enough about someone else to make things work out. i guess there was something different about you. something that made me want to chase after you. i havent put my finger on it, but ill figuire it out soon. yeah, everyone says this but, i really dont know how my life would be without you in it. i cant possibly imagine what it would be like.

I constantly feel like im missing out on everything. like everything is happening somewhere else. like im not living life to the fullest. and the problem is that i never do anything to change it.

I was asking myself the question i had been asking myself for as long as I could remember: Is this what you want? Is this what you really want?

"The sign of the type in question is the determination - sometimes terrible in it's quiet intensity - to accept nothing of life but its pleasures, and to secure these pleasures chiefly by the aid of your complaisant sex. Young men of this class never do anything for themselves that they can get other people to do for them, and it is the infatuation, the devotion, the superstition of others that keeps them going. These others, in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred, are women. What our young friends chiefly insist upon is that someone else shall suffer for them; and women, as you must know, do that sort of thing wonderfully well."

EXPECT NOTHING. you wont get dissapointed.

Most of what we think we remember of early childhood, we have made up or extrapolated from what others have told us. What I remember beyond what I have been told is a tremendous need to please, a talent for getting a laugh by playing the fool, and, most of all, an early passion for a future of my own. How this latter would be accomplished, what, in fact, it would be, I had no idea. But there it was as I ran wild and naked around the garden, or built a tree house high in the mango tree, sat up their singing hymns and arias at the top of mt voice. What I knew was that I wanted something magnificent for myself, something far away, in the real world, something quite different from what lay ahead for my sisters or for other girls I knew."
From the start, i was treated with amusement like a sort of wild card. how did such a thing happen to us? But there i was undemanding, as dissapointments to be at first, and not unpleasant.
the drunk kids. the catholics, they're all about the same. they're waiting for something, hoping to be saved

In Case You Havnt Noticed

2010-10-11T19:11:00.001-07:00

she's all over you!
i find it disgusting.